Who am I?

Who I am is a topic up for a whole lot of debate. One can never tell, really. Anyway, we'll start with the physical stuff:

Kingdom: United St... Animal
Species: homo sapien sapien
Gender: Male
Height: 6'0"
Population: 1.2Bill what?
Weight: fluctuating between 0 and 400 lbs (mean=185 lbs)
Eye color: blue
hair color: blonde/light brown
DOB: August 19, 1977 (yes, self-centered LEO approx 26 yo)
Location: Chester, NH, USA
Marital Status: hahahahahahaha... 
Pets: 2 black tetras.. roommate... strange fungi?

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